Today is the big day of the start my performance. We’ve worked on this production of 40 + members since August 2005, just after my dad passed away. Like every performance before this one, things happpen. This time, the call came yesterday. In the next few days I might stand to lose my Pammobile.
When I got the car four years ago from my ex as an engagement present, he put a downpayment of RM2,000 & took a loan in his name. I was in the midst of settling my encumberances with the bank. He fought with his father much, over his love for me. He had been kind & trusted me enough to let me continue paying for the car after we parted our ways. I’ve been trying to take over the loan to my name to no avail. Yesterday, I received a call threatening to take away my blood, sweat & tears. Whatever possessed him to say things & be nasty to me out of the blue, I would never know. What I do know is that his father has a big part to play in controlling his finances as he works for him. I tried to be calm when he said that he will repossess HIS car & sell it to clear the loan so that he could take another loan. I offered to settle two months back payment first but he refused. I have 12 months left on the loan tenure. I’ve paid a total of RM33,600 on my Pammobile. He wanted me to settle the entire 12 months’ sum now which obviously, I wouldn’t be able to. Of all days, bad things had to happen just before the performance.
When things were good with us, anything was possible. The sun, moon & stars were all within reach. Even if it meant scorching him, he was willing. I should have let go of this a long time ago. My dear Moggie offered to help before, but I told him that money & exes are something that we have to deal with accordingly. To leave a link to our past only serves to let them haunt us or spite us if they think we have done them wrong or if their parents think we have done their son/daughter injustice. I did the right thing by walking away with dignity & whatever left of my self esteem three & a half years ago. It takes two hands to clap. Even if I had bitten the bullet & continued being with him, acting as if nothing has ever happened, it would only destroy me inside to know that I wasn’t good enough for him. I chose to forgive him then but forgiving does not mean that I have to accept his actions of grieving me again & again. I also chose the harder path of walking away without a single cent to rebuild my life.
Now, it looks like he’s given me an ultimatum. I’m not going to be bound by desperation if I can’t raise the funds by Sunday to redeem my hard earned property. I’m not the kind to ask for help if I can help myself. I release all emotional attachment to my faithful Pammobile & surrender my Pammobile to God. Letting go of this car should not stop me from living. I said to Him if my ex really wants to take it, I’ll treat the thirty three grand as rental paid for the use of the car. After all, it’s only money.
Yes, Pummkin .. it’s only money and though we need money to live, we cannot let it be a master over us. This I believe … GOD will provide. HE provided for me and my little ones. HE provided by sending help my way and we should not be too proud to accept help. There was the story (probably just a story) of a person who refused the help offered by rescuers in a flood by staying on the roof of his house and believing that God will save him. Many rescuers came and went and yet he refused their help and believed that God will save him. He eventually drowned and when he met God, he asked God why He did not save him. God answered that He sent the rescuers to hima nd he refused the help. Stay happy, Pummkin. You are not alone, no matter what.
Pummkin, you are a brave young woman who understands what is important to continue growing in positive directions. I hope that your performance went very well. I wish you happiness.
Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs. This is what make our life so interesting. Unfortunately we always tend to remember downs and not ups.
No matter what life throw onto your face, (up/happiness or down/sadness), most of the time we are not able to control it. But, what we can control is how we react to it.
Will there for you, my friend, all the time. 🙂
Remember to retain your beautiful smiles..
OOO OOO
OO.OO OO.OO
OOO OOO
U U
U U
UU UU
UU UU
UUUUUUUU
P.s. Oh, i also shorten my hair.. same length of yours..
Thank you to all you loving friends whom God has put in my path & thank you to all the SMSes offering me help. I’m overwhelmed by your kindness & generosity in my times of need and I’m so happy to say that the amount of 10k had been raised & my meeting with the hire purchase department will take place on Wednesday. In the middle of my performance on Saturday, I bumped into a friend sitting outside of the sanctuary & he’s a used-car dealer! He is going to help me with the documents & transfer of name with the Road Transport department!!! How timely! Looks like you would have to pray hard that my ex will not go back on his words!!!