Man Of My Dreams

The Real Phantom!

The epitome of a true man! A woman’s man! And a man’s man! Man, is Gerard Butler handsome or what?!? His depiction of phantom is so full of that L-factor that when our performing arts cast went to watch it, some of the expressive ones broke into song while I just sat there and swooned. He is one of the few who could melt me and make me malleable….wow! I thought I only get this feeling with Bollywood movie stars with the likes of Abishek Bachan, Sharukh Khan and Hrithik Roshan. What happened here??? Now where were we?

Days when Sarong Party Girls never got the light of day for their Mat Salleh-totting ways (Mat Salleh is a slang for Caucasians), the Boh-Sia (literally means no-sound) in the streets of KL caused a stir when they would have sex freely and for free. Friends back then would always say to Mat Salleh-totters, Are all Asian men dead or dying….? My guy friends would voice their displeasure towards marrying a foreigner and express their biasness towards Asian men. Let me stress that this is not a racial issue but merely to point out the men from the men. These men friends get so upset when they hear/know of cases of neglect and heartbreak on their Asian girl friends by their expatriate boyfriends. So it’s no surprise that when the books, SARONG PARTY GIRL, THE REVENGE OF THE SARONG PARTY GIRL, THE SPG RIDES AGAIN were published, they were well received. Expats have been known to have caused so much grievances to the hopefuls who think that they may be tickets out of the country. I know of some very loving Expat-Asian couples who have weathered storms and such but they are few and far between.

So who can be the man of my dreams, when I have to battle with differentiating the real guys from the fake guys, the macho singles from the married super-machos, the touchables from the untouchables. These will be explained in the following paragraph. Scientifically, looks and physical assessment has been found to be the determining factor for people to select their mates to produce good offsprings. Somehow, this biological programming in our bodies often deceives us when we are looking for a soul-mate. Harry-chest and whatever-turn-you-ons aside, how many guys actually take the time to woo the ladies and win her heart for life? Well, this question depends upon the values that one is holding about marriage and life. Take for example, the Hit and Runs, the Wham Bam Slams and the Meow-Meows.

First, we identify the FAKES. They dress to the nines to impress but they are all borrowed stuff. They make up fancy job titles. They try to be somebody they are not. They make you pay on dates. The Bible says that women are to experience the grace of life. Equality is something that the devil has put in the minds of females to liberalise themselves, so to speak, but in actual fact, it is a direct contravention of Gods teaching. We should seek equal opportunities, equal rights for an education, equal pay, equal benefits, equal views and equal respect but equality does not mean that we should be EQUAL TO MEN. An apple does not need to be equal to an orange because they each have their own attributes to make them unique and taste the way they do. When I want to eat an apple, I expect the apple to taste like one. Just like I only have oranges in juice form and no other way. So it would not be right to outdo men (though most times we do and can do far better but this is not a question of competition) or do what they rightfully should do when taking girls out. There won’t be a second date if I have to pay.

In my course of work before, I often have to have dinners to elaborate on work and most often, I get taken out instead of the opposite, with the client. A brief insight to who goes to these dinners, there are the exceptionally gentlemen who would open doors, seat you at the table, order whatever you want and asks real questions to get to know you. Some of these genuine people have become friends for life. Prospect? None. They are married. They fall under the married super-machos category. They can afford anything, take you anywhere, (Chiang Mai for golf?) and offer a lot to please you. They are covetous. They want you all to themselves. The moment I know that they are married, I always insist on having others accompany these dinners. Then there are those who trust you so much that they would take you to meet their wives….then take you along to dinners to be with their mistresses so that they can use you as an ally & alibi when their wives raise suspicion. I guess there is some truth to married men being able to understand women better and know how to treat them well…….they want to treat every woman that way too. However, they are out of bounds and I am very familiar with their modus operandi. Doesn’t turn me on one bit. I don’t want to go to hell.

Then comes those whom you know, are single, unattached, very eligible and are great friends. You love them dearly. You think of them when you want to watch a silly movie, a cartoon or do anything for the weekend. I mean, really great friends where you can hang out together with no apprehension, inhibitions and what not. When you are down, they are readily available to cheer you up, to cook you a scrumptious meal, to assure you they are still there as your friend even though your boyfriend is not anymore. After 5 years of that, you begin to wonder why there hasn’t been any love interest in their lives at all. You feel that you know them well but not enough to ask about their single status. You begin to wonder if they are GAY. You hope not. You cant ask because you don’t want to ruin the friendship. You begin to feel for them. You begin to wonder why you had never thought of them romantically before. Have they become the UNTOUCHABLES?

From all the do and ditch (a better term for Hit and Run) testimonies in Cleo and other girly magazines, instances of those on the prowl will seek out easy targets for one-night stands. Those who stopover from other countries, in transit or in for short term visits will almost definitely be like a sailor on every port……seeking out Susan. If they are polite and pay for services, they would be looking for the nearest red light districts, if more polished, at expatriate-frequented pubs in Bangsar and wait for the unsuspecting Mat Salleh-Seeker to make contact. Usually, these types of Wham-Bam-Slams are often the rejects themselves. If they are lucky, they might find one to settle down with, if not, they just have to settle it themselves.

That leaves us now with the Meow-Meows. What has cats got to do with this issue of finding that dream man? Well, surely you must have heard in your lifetime, a Tom cat meowing away when Tabby’s on heat. Sensing the need to mate, the Tabby may or may not be receptive to the Tom who thinks he’s so desirable. Then what does Tom do? He meows his heart out, pulling up every trick from his sleeve, whether in truth and sincerity or in falsehood and captivity, Toms objective is to get the pussy. No time spent in getting to know Tabby or to love Tabby, Tom just wants to be Tom.

In light of the many flaws in the process of finding the man in question, I have thought about what this man should be. This will then narrow down my selection criteria to weed out the Hit and Runs, Wham Bam Slams and Meow-Meows. It would be great if he would run to the pharmacy in the midst of his work to get you a bottle of ProBiotics when he’s found out you had food poisoning the day before. If he would spent time learning about your interest and what matters most to you. If he would detect the slightest hint of trouble from your voice over the telephone. If he would not let you carry heavy stuff. If he would tell you stories to keep you interested. If he would take you back to his hometown and endure teasing from his family members for doing touristy stuff with you like picking rubber seeds in rubber estates and playing with chickens in the farm. If he would hike up to almost the peak of Gunung Ledang waterfalls to soak your troubles away with you in the cool rushing waterfalls. If he would call you when he’s halfway across the world from you. If he would find an excuse to wine and dine you even if there’s no occasion. If he would call you when he has a matter to think about. If he would wait patiently for you to browse the lingerie section while you try to decide which one. If he would forego business lunches to eat with you instead. If he would send you flowers because he thought of you. If he would write you long letters even though you live in the same city. If he would remember birthdays, anniversaries and important dates. If he would have a heart for the faith you have in you. If he would propose to you not because he thinks he can live with you but because he cant live without you. If….. So many ifs.

I figured this man can only be found in one other person besides God. And he’s here.