Beauty and The Beef

Cattle Show?

Beauty pageants are often associated with cattle shows. I don’t see any comparison between beautiful wannabes with the beef trade but it’s always one of the two extreme ends that society adopts when it comes to beauty pageants. You are either for it or against it. People have gone as far as setting themselves on fire in a demonstration against the event while latuks, tan selis & the lotsa-money-CheenaMan who grace the event pay top dollars in the form of sponsorship in vying for the contestants. How many times have we heard jokes about the Ah Lian from Jinjang, Ipoh, Penang or even Kluang, responding to questions from the judges as they vie for the title? What is the judging process like? Why did that girl with the sweetest smile or the brainiest cells not make it to the top? Why do sexists jokes exist about the pageants?

Let’s explore the Miss Malaysia/Universally pageant. Contestants are screened from the photos sent in to the organisers. They are shortlisted from the personal interviews. Then comes the contest where contestants spend a number of days in a hotel or resort, where the series of events will follow. These are what they call the publicity exercise. Visiting of sponsors, gracing their shops to attract attention while the paparazzi furiously clicks away at their personal favourites, with the top of Dolly & bottom of JLo to boot. The Subang Airports don’t get a chance. Almost everyday of the prelude to the event involves a lunch & dinner gracing appointment for the sponsors. The amount of food served warrants the contestants to have eight stomachs like cows do. Then the obvious winner would be so unperturbed, that she would gorge on the meals but only to take a laxative pill before she sleeps & purges it all out throughout the night. How does one become the obvious winner, you might ask. Well, it’s the Malaysia Boleh thing again, where a beauty title holder of another pageant, is allowed to enter this pageant by invitation of the organiser. Of course, she won. Curious?

Now look at the other beauty pageant that this winner entered before Miss Universally. And that is Miss Malaysia/Worldly. Contestants had to be chaperoned & guarded like prisoners over 7 days in a hotel. There will be photoshoots upon photoshoots to get the girls in swimming costume, evening gowns & working attire where the entire press members fight to fill the spots. Nevermind that the organiser was hired to do the job by the franchise holder, he was more interested in displays of emotions, flamboyant flare ups & profane language than the welfare of the contestants as tales of break-ins to the rooms & peeping toms were made known to him. The franchise holder is only responsible for inviting the uninvited to unscheduled events where opportunities were made available for fancy propositions. Nevermind also that 17 out of the 20 girls do not speak English. Touching & stroking of laps is a universal language. When these girls, some barely 18, decline the invitation to the top three positions with money offer, the obvious thing befell them. Ostracision. Questions during the stage event on the glittery night only served to intensify the mood as eight questions were already given out the day before to pre-formulate each one properly before showtime.

The eight shortlisted candidates step out to answer questions posed to them by a compere. Here are two examples:-

Question: Do you think women are better than men in top positions? If so, why?
Answer: Ah yes. Errr…because, because….errr…..women are better than men because they are less emotional.

Question: Less emotional? Do you meanmore emotional?
Answer: Ah yes, more emotional.

Question: More emotional or less emotional? Can you make up your mind?
Answer: Ah yes, more or less emotional.

Compere: Thank you.

2nd Question: ËœIf you had one wish in the world, what would you wish for?
Answer: *Blank look* Err… one wish.*Stunned*..heheheheheh…one wish..*giggly*….errr…..*seconds passed*

Compere: Thank you for your wish.

How did they ostracise those who refused to conform in the pageant? They call the religious officers in to take them away immediately after the show. What a fiasco. Except that everyone of them managed to run away, never to be seen or caught again.

The fly by night pageant is the best. Aptly titled Miss Malaysia/InterConnection. A grand affair held at the poshest hotel in town where the top three winners would represent Malaysia in three separate pageants. Only to have the franchise revoked for failure in complying to certain conditions in the agreement which resulted in the absence of all three winners from their respective overseas pageants.

Not all pageants are so bad but it’s hardly surprising how the jokes originate. There are, however, really smart cookies in the likes of Arianna, Lina & Zen. And you should take my story at face value for having been a cow who’s succeeded somewhat at the beef trade.